Blog Category: Funny Pages

Man flees naked when her husband comes home, then he runs into a crowd of joggers

Sometimes it helps to be strong, and other times it helps to be witty! A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day while in bed with her boyfriend, she hears her husband’s car pull into the driveway. She yells at the boyfriend, “Quick! Grab your clothes and jump out of the window. My husband has arrived home

Husband and wife play a little football in the bedroom until half-time

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.” A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.” After about five minutes

Three bulls on a farm are arguing over who gets to have the most cows

Three bulls hear the rancher is bringing another bull onto the ranch, and will most likely be reassigning cows to each one. The first bull says to the others, “I’ve been here five years. I’m not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.” “I’ve been here three years,” says the second bull, “and have earned my right to 50 cows. I’m

There is a factory in northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

There is a factory in northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Lena is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8 a.m. The next day, at 8:45 a.m., the foreman throws open the personnel manager’s office door and begins to rant about the new

Man's wife forbids him from going camping and his solution is too funny

Man's wife forbids him from going camping and his solution is too funny! Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is supposed to leave, Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Rob’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but there’s nothing they can

Kids are always trying to find a way to cheat the system!

A teenage boy goes to church to confess his sins. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.” The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy O’Shaughnessy?” ‘Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was the girl you were with?” “I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.” “Well, Tommy,

Husband thinks wife is cheating!

Husband thinks wife is cheating, calls home in the middle of the day and he gets quite the story.... A little girl picks up the phone. “Hello?” “Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?” Daddy asks. “No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But, honey, you haven’t got

Hillbillies in a Restaurant!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya swallar?” The woman shakes

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.

We've all heard about people having the Guts to do something or Balls to do something. But, do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife who is holding a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you

Husband reports wife missing, he's fuzzy on everything except the important details

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home ! Sheriff: Height? Husband: I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sheriff: Weight ? Husband: Don’t know. Kinda cute, Not slim, not really fat. Sheriff: Color of eyes ? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed. Sheriff: Color of hair ? Husband:

Free Beer For Whoever Can Pass The Test

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign hanging in the entrance, which says "FREE BEER FOR WHOEVER CAN PASS THE TEST!" So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The bartender replies, "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila – the whole thing at once – and you can’t make a face while doing it.

Farmer gets a new rooster but this big bird is more than he bargained for!

A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.” Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer

His nagging wife passes away during vacation, and the man has a hilarious comment

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. The woman kept complaining about every little detail and making the trip unbearable. But a few days before their vacation ended, a tragic accident ended the woman’s life. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her

Fish Hooks

A young guy from Maine moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof' department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a sporting goods salesman back in Greenville Maine." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave

The Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover When she heard her husband Opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, Then dusted him with talcum powder, 'Don't move until I tell you.' She said. 'Pretend you're a statue..' 'What's this?' the husband inquired As he entered the room. 'Oh it's a statue,'

Shared Experience

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path." "Gentlemen,

Three men are in a public bathroom and show their very different upbringings

People love to brag! Two wealthy college students and a retired old truck driver were using the urinals in a public restroom. The first young man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of

Elderly couple gets stranded on desert island

An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below

Sometimes it helps to be strong, and other times it helps to be witty!

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day while in bed with her boyfriend, she hears her husband’s car pull into the driveway. She yells at the boyfriend, “Quick! Grab your clothes and jump out of the window. My husband has arrived home early!” The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “It’s raining like

Think about this next time you have a bad day

There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I suddenly burst into tears. “Oh, come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man

To All My Golfing Friends

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabbylooking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the

The Affair!

A married man was having an affair With his secretary. One day they went to her place And made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep And woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed And told his lover to take his shoes Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife

Resurrection

The pastor of a Baptist church called the little children to the front of the church, all dressed in their cute little Easter outfits and had them sit around him. He said "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful, and today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?" One little boy

Forgiveness

There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley: To: John Hinckley From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted

The Pickle Slicer

Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.. After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of

Husband Down!

Eddie and his wife June are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Heineken and puts it in their cart. “What do you think you're doing?” asks June. “They're on sale, only $15 for 24 cans,” Eddie replies. “Put them back, we can't afford them,” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles

Blonde has to answer a question in front of thousands of viewers, and she was on the spot

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?” A blonde carefully works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?” After 15 or 20

The Tree Hugger!

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a

The Salt Truck

As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches

On the fourth day, God created man!

On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed. On the second day,

Navajo Message To The Moon

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. After almost 11 hours on the road, we were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00. I explode and demand to know

Mom punishes son for cursing, but his comeback is the real kicker

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause

The Cow!

This is the best example for paying attention that I have ever heard. First-year students at Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have

The Farmer

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering

Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly at a recently married couple’s house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch totally naked. “What are you doing?!” she asked. “I’m waiting for Jeff to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered. “But you’re

Gotta love those Blondes

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio!

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors. His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the

Farmer’s wife says no to a roll in the hay

Farmer’s wife says no to a “roll in the hay,” but he’s the one who gets the last laugh A Tennessee farmer got home after a long day of working in the fields, and was feeling mighty horny. He went to his wife and asked her if she felt like a roll in the hay. His wife replied, “No Michael, our son will be home from school any minute

You Can Be The Man Of Your House

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be The Man Of Your House.” He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous

A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 grueling years of marriage.

The counselor asks them what the problem is, and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they’ve been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the wife and kisses her passionately. The woman sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the

Kids say the darndest things...

A 5-year-old boy visited his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?” Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs

Published on  March 30th, 2019

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